Tired

I know that many people reading this relate to my title. We are tired people. I am tired of struggling to keep it all together. Guess what? I am not doing a very good job at it. I am tired.

There are many wonderful things in my life. I am blessed and I know it. But I am still tired. I am tired of the crap.

I pray for God's strength. God answers prayer. He knows the plans He has for me. I am comforted by that. But yet I am still tired.

Even the blessings make me tired. That statement is not very Christlike is it. I am blessed that I have 5 healthy children. That is a fact. But there are challenges that make me tired and make me feel very alone.

I am a fortunate person in that my cancer will not likely kill me. And I feel very fortunate indeed. But I am tired. I am tired of the cancer and the freakin treatments and the way that it affects my life.

So I put my eye on the prize. This life that God has given me and knowing that He is beside me and I don't have to walk it alone. But I am still tired.

So yep I rambled but what are blogs for? I did not mean to be a Debbie Downer (stolen from Dawn) but that is how I feel. Tired.

Changes!

Well I must say alot has happened in our lives and the people around ours since my last post. (I will admit I am not very good at this blogging thing). I guess first and foremost our house is getting a little emptier. We have become empty nesters. Yep the three biggies have all moved out. If you know us you know that we are not really empty nesters. The two littles are still here!!! Michael moved into an apartment with (you are not gonna believe this) but his big brother. I must say it is shocking to see them live together in an apartment when they could not share a room! I really am thrilled for them. So exciting to be on your own for the first time, well until the first months rent is due! Chris has been on his own for about 2 years but this is Michaels first time out of the house. He is ready. He is working full time now and will be returning to college in the winter. Because Michael has moved out I am proud to say that after 4 years, Emma is getting her own room. She has had two roommates the last 4 years. Her Dad and I! I am not sure how I feel about not seeing that sweet face in the middle of the night. I am excited for her though. The room is going to be a beautiful little girls room. Princesses and all. I have a young woman I work with that is a beautiful artist and she will be painting a few favorite princesses and the castle on the wall.

I have done some reflecting on my life and past in the last month or so. Went on a woman's retreat in October to a beautiful "camp" in Williams AZ. Camp is in quotes because I use that term loosely. It is beautiful and you would think you would go up there and giggle and eat chocolate and fun with the girlfriends. Oh don't get me wrong we did that but there was some serious issues that I needed to and continue to need to deal with in my life. I have a major trust issue. Which leads to a major control freak issue. Ask my family they know that it has been there all along. With prayer from these wonderful Godly women I am allowing God to work on me. It is a daily struggle but God is faithful and God is enough. Love you ladies.

Last week our sweet Emma turned 4! I cannot believe it. How could the time fly by so fast? I should know this happens, it already happened with the first 3. We went to Disneyland!!!! Emma got to go to the Bibbiddi Bobbitti Bootique. WOW it was such a great experience. Makeup, hair, crown, jewels, fairy dust, princess wave and all. What a great time. This time her big sister got to go with us. What a blessing. We also were blessed to get to take our sweet grandson, Brayden to Disneyland for the first time. What a great time.

A new, but quickly becoming old friend is living through a health crisis with her little baby girl who just happens to have 47 chromosomes. I weep for her and baby A. To watch the grace that this woman has during a huge upheavel not only in her baby girls life but in their families life is truly inspirational to me. I ask God daily how can I show her love and to show me how to help. Pray for this family. You don't need to know their names to ask our Gracious Father to watch over them and provide peace to this family.

Peace to all who read this. Enjoy some of the sweet pictures of my amazingly beautiful family and friends.

Look who is 21!

Love you son!

Look at her eyes!

Look at her eyes. It is like you can look into her soul. She is a beautiful soul. One with dreams and hopes. One with so much love in her eyes for those around her. She trusts. She knows there are so many people that will always be there for her. She is amazing. She amazes me and all around her. She is smart. She is beautiful. She is sassy. She says NO! and means it. She will always be loved. She will always be cherished. She is a gift from God Himself to our family. And I am proud to say she is my beautiful daughter.

Excited to say the least!

Well the eve of our families return. WOW time has flown since we found out they would be coming home to stay not just for a visit. So many things have happened. The biggest of them all is that they are coming home as three. An incredible little gift was given to Sam and BJ and to our whole family, little baby Brayden. Or as Emma puts it Bray Bray. We are so excited to all be together again. The big boys are getting excited. Emma is saying Sissy everytime the doorbell rings and well we are all just getting generally excited. Anyone that knows me knows to the hour when Sam and Brayden will arrive. The girls at the hospital have heard it and heard it for months. I thank you for listening.

This mama's heart is bursting. To say that the last two years have been hard would be an understatement. Every time she came home I started to get sad because I knew she had to go back to Virginia. I can't even express how I felt the first time I left Norfolk Airport and as that plane lifted off the ground how my heart literally ached knowing I was leaving my first born there. I can't tell you how much that child means to me. I wish I could put it into words. I just can't. From the moment I locked eyes with that beautiful baby I knew she would have my heart forever. And she does. I am a very proud mother. If you know me you already know that about me. I am proud of all my kids. Every accomplishment, every step, every word that comes not so easy, I am proud. And I continue to be proud of Sam and for that matter BJ for what they did exactly two years ago tomorrow (yep two years from the date they left she is coming home) they packed up that old red truck and drove across the country on an adventure to start their new life in a far far away land (well it might as well be). They have grown up. They have made their parents proud and now we get to welcome them home. Not only their families but their church family as well.

Along the way they have touched other peoples lives. People in Virginia have loved our kids and have welcomed them. I am sad for those that will miss them in Virginia. I truly am. I say to you that Southwest has some great deals to Phoenix and you are welcome here anytime.

While Sam and Brayden get to fly home in comfort, BJ and his brother Bryan will be driving straight through from Virginia to Phoenix in that old red truck and a trailer on the back. Not only that. When Sam gets here, the next day our whole family will be driving to Oregon, to the beach house we always rent spending about two weeks there. WOW what a great gift to our family. We also have BJ's family coming to the beach as well for a few days to spend some time with our returning loves. Great grandparents that have never met Brayden.

Well that is my final post before I post with great pics from their joyous homecoming. Thanks for following our not so perfect countdown!

Late again

If you have not noticed the days I work I don't post sorry about that. We are getting so close. 6 days!


Oh my gosh look at those eyes!

8 days~