Tuesday, March 24, 2009

I hate that word!

Well some of you know that I have in the past had thyroid cancer. I had my thyroid removed in 2000 when Nicky was 14 months old. I had radiation with radioactive iodine and had to go hypothyroid to do the radiation. I hate surgery I hate needle etc. but I will say i hated going hypothyroid the worst. You have not metabolism. You gain 10-15 lbs a week without even doing anything differently. And if you know me I can't afford that kind of weight gain now weight loss like that is a different story. Well all has gone along just fine and I got over all that and have done great. In 2005, before I found out I was pregnant with Emma Grace they found some nodules in my thyroid bed area on a routine ultrasound. We had to wait to do anything at that time and my blood work was normal so we waited. I had Emma and was breastfeeding so in no hurry to do anything so we kept doing ultrasounds and the "nodules" or lymph nodes were stable and not changing. So in the last year my cancer marker that appears in my blood started to go up. Could be thyroid cells or cancer cells but nodules still stable. In december of 2008 new ultrasound shows more "nodules" or lymph nodes and the cancer marker still going up. So we decide to do an ultrasound guided biopsy. So yesterday I check into the hospital at work at, Good Samaritan, and go through this procedure. Which is not fun. They do an ultrasound and then numb the area of the neck and a radiologist then proceeds to stick a needle in my neck through the muscle towards my carotid artery (the "nodule" is up against the carotid artery) yippee! He had to do it twice to make sure we had enough cells. I hate being a patient but it sure makes you understand how to treat your patients. The person that was there to pick up the cells stood next to me and the US technician too. I reached to hold someones hand and the lady there to pick up cells grabbed my hand and she let me squeeze. They all knew that I worked at the hospital and they knew that I wanted to know the results as soon as possible. They had to have the pathologist come down to make sure that there were enough cells on the slides. He came down looked at the slides through the microscope and then proceeded to enter my examination room, where I was still positioned and ready for another possible poke if they did not have enough. All the same people standing around me. He came in and introduced himself and (he was aware i was anxious to know the results and that I worked at the hospital) he told me he had looked at the cells and they were positive for pappilary carcinoma. Everyone in the room was stunned that he told me. That is usually not the job of the pathologist. It was as surreal a moment as it was when i found out before. That time I was putting the baby in the car frys! I started to cry and he put his arm on me and said are you ok? I said yes I am. Just could not stop crying, thinking it is one thing but hearing it is another.

So here is where we sit. Consulting with my surgeon and going to pick out my anesthesologist (such a control freak) when you are nurse you know who to ask. We have some great anesthesologists in labor and delivery. And we wait to have surgery.

If you think of us would you pray for us. Our children have been through this already, nicky and emma grace obviously have not. And Sam is so far away and it is hard for her and me as well. I think one of the good things that will come from this is that I will get to see her, we will fly her out at the appropriate time.

Sorry no pictures. I did not think you would want a picture of my bruised neck!